Blog/2025-09-14/The Legend of Beadman: Difference between revisions
Created page with "thumb|The expression is pretty spot-on though the Beadman's fashion sense had deteriorated by the time I met him A recent Reddit story that I read reminded of a time when my friend Takashi and I encountered a colourful San Franciscan who proceeded to demonstrate a fairly typically San Franciscan activity. The Reddit post itself is a fairly reasonable PSA warning others of a pickpocket but the character involved sounded like the guy w..." |
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[[File:AI Conception of Beadman.png|thumb|The expression is pretty spot-on though the Beadman's fashion sense had deteriorated by the time I met him]] | [[File:AI Conception of Beadman.png|thumb|The expression is pretty spot-on though the Beadman's fashion sense had deteriorated by the time I met him]] | ||
A recent Reddit story that I read reminded of a time when my friend Takashi and I encountered a colourful San Franciscan | A recent Reddit story that I read today reminded of a time when my friend Takashi and I encountered a colourful San Franciscan. The Reddit post itself is a reasonable PSA warning others of a pickpocket but the character involved sounded like the guy we'd seen: Beadman. | ||
It all started some 6 years or so ago, when I was living in the Sunset with my friend Takashi. He'd very kindly allowed me a spare bedroom while I found a place here in the city. The Sunset is about a half hour on the N line from downtown where we both worked. Since we had a | It all started some 6 years or so ago, when I was living in the Sunset with my friend Takashi. He'd very kindly allowed me a spare bedroom while I found a place here in the city. The Sunset is about a half hour on the N line from downtown where we both worked. Since we had a big shared friend group, we'd hang out with people downtown or go to the gym downtown and then head back together. Takashi, however, had lived there a decade or so by that time and was very acquainted with the vagaries of Muni passenger demographics. I, much more familiar with [[Blog/2024-03-19/The Day I Was Superman|BART and its strangeness]], was not generally prepared for the shape of this other public transit system. | ||
So one day, we were both riding the N Judah out to the Sunset around midnight. A Muni train of this era is laid out with most seats facing forward or backward and then some jump seats facing each other that can be raised for wheelchairs. Takashi and I were seated in one of these jump seats at the back of the car. | So one day, we were both riding the N Judah out to the Sunset around midnight. A Muni train of this era is laid out with most seats facing forward or backward and then some jump seats facing each other that can be raised for wheelchairs. Takashi and I were seated in one of these jump seats at the back of the car. | ||
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[[File:Muni Train Seating Diagram.jpg|frame|center]] | [[File:Muni Train Seating Diagram.jpg|frame|center]] | ||
As we pulled in to one of the stops, | As we pulled in to one of the stops, near Duboce and Church, we saw a red-headed fellow standing with a deranged grin looking into the train as it pulled in. To our great (mis)fortune, he got on at the back and sat down right opposite us where he spent the next four or five stops running a bunch of metal beads (similar to the ones that secure a military dog tag) along the area between his nose and his upper lip<ref name=philtrum/> while muttering. San Francisco; transit; par for the course. I barely noticed. | ||
But that's when the ante was upped. | But that's when the ante was upped. Moving suddenly, he hopped onto the seat while the train was in motion, and pulled his jeans down in one swift motion exposing his bare white buttocks. At this point, I realized that despite having lived in San Francisco for five or six years I had never actually witnessed someone pooping in front of me<ref name=public/>. I found myself entirely unable to move: my eyes were pinned to his shiny ass as if I had been chosen to witness some sacred act. | ||
My belief that I was about to be inducted into this surprisingly not-quite-select group of people was rapidly debunked. Reaching with practiced ease, he | My belief that I was about to be inducted into this surprisingly not-quite-select group of people was rapidly debunked. Reaching with practiced ease, he fed the beads in with such speed I expected a sound effect then pulled his pants up and sat down. The whole maneouvre couldn't have taken more than a few seconds. It required mastery of the act. Moments later, he looked me in the eye, got up, and hopped off at the next stop with nary a change in expression. | ||
Looking to my left I saw Takashi was looking at a far corner of the train, and I realized that I'd noticed him (in my peripheral vision) immediately turn to the far corner at the first sign of a trouser pulldown. We sat in silence until our stop, but as we hopped off I had to confirm that this act had in fact occurred. | Looking to my left I saw Takashi was looking at a far corner of the train, and I realized that I'd noticed him (in my peripheral vision) immediately turn to the far corner at the first sign of a trouser pulldown. We sat in silence until our stop, but as we hopped off I had to confirm that this act had in fact occurred. It appeared that it had. I was not daydreaming a wild dream. I have since told many people of Beadman, but neither Takashi nor I have seen him since. Since I have moved to SOMA, and Takashi has moved out of town, I suspected we never would. | ||
But | But now, after all these years, the Beadman may have returned: | ||
{{Reddit | {{Reddit | ||
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<ref name=public>I was about to say "in public", but to be clear, I had not witnessed anyone do this in front of me in private either.</ref> | <ref name=public>I was about to say "in public", but to be clear, I had not witnessed anyone do this in front of me in private either.</ref> | ||
</references> | </references> | ||
{{#seo:|description=The Legend of Beadman recounts the author's encounter with a colorful San Franciscan on the Muni train}} | |||
[[Category:Blog]] | [[Category:Blog]] | ||
[[Category:Stories]] | [[Category:Stories]] | ||
Latest revision as of 04:53, 15 September 2025
A recent Reddit story that I read today reminded of a time when my friend Takashi and I encountered a colourful San Franciscan. The Reddit post itself is a reasonable PSA warning others of a pickpocket but the character involved sounded like the guy we'd seen: Beadman.
It all started some 6 years or so ago, when I was living in the Sunset with my friend Takashi. He'd very kindly allowed me a spare bedroom while I found a place here in the city. The Sunset is about a half hour on the N line from downtown where we both worked. Since we had a big shared friend group, we'd hang out with people downtown or go to the gym downtown and then head back together. Takashi, however, had lived there a decade or so by that time and was very acquainted with the vagaries of Muni passenger demographics. I, much more familiar with BART and its strangeness, was not generally prepared for the shape of this other public transit system.
So one day, we were both riding the N Judah out to the Sunset around midnight. A Muni train of this era is laid out with most seats facing forward or backward and then some jump seats facing each other that can be raised for wheelchairs. Takashi and I were seated in one of these jump seats at the back of the car.
As we pulled in to one of the stops, near Duboce and Church, we saw a red-headed fellow standing with a deranged grin looking into the train as it pulled in. To our great (mis)fortune, he got on at the back and sat down right opposite us where he spent the next four or five stops running a bunch of metal beads (similar to the ones that secure a military dog tag) along the area between his nose and his upper lip[1] while muttering. San Francisco; transit; par for the course. I barely noticed.
But that's when the ante was upped. Moving suddenly, he hopped onto the seat while the train was in motion, and pulled his jeans down in one swift motion exposing his bare white buttocks. At this point, I realized that despite having lived in San Francisco for five or six years I had never actually witnessed someone pooping in front of me[2]. I found myself entirely unable to move: my eyes were pinned to his shiny ass as if I had been chosen to witness some sacred act.
My belief that I was about to be inducted into this surprisingly not-quite-select group of people was rapidly debunked. Reaching with practiced ease, he fed the beads in with such speed I expected a sound effect then pulled his pants up and sat down. The whole maneouvre couldn't have taken more than a few seconds. It required mastery of the act. Moments later, he looked me in the eye, got up, and hopped off at the next stop with nary a change in expression.
Looking to my left I saw Takashi was looking at a far corner of the train, and I realized that I'd noticed him (in my peripheral vision) immediately turn to the far corner at the first sign of a trouser pulldown. We sat in silence until our stop, but as we hopped off I had to confirm that this act had in fact occurred. It appeared that it had. I was not daydreaming a wild dream. I have since told many people of Beadman, but neither Takashi nor I have seen him since. Since I have moved to SOMA, and Takashi has moved out of town, I suspected we never would.
But now, after all these years, the Beadman may have returned:
I was targeted by a pickpocket gang last night in the FiDi/Nob Hill/Union Square area. The ringleader looks like the red-headed guy from Game of Thrones so he's very recognizable. I think he has about 7-10 people working with him. I caught him trying to palm my ring and when I yelled a bunch of people dispersed. Keep an eye out (as always, but especially for this guy)!!!
Edit to say: saw him first in Belden Alley, then they made their way up to the Chelsea/Summer Place area and that's where he tried to take my ring. I forgot it's Giants/Dodgers this weekend so if you're by the ballpark I'd be extra careful.
Notes[edit]
- ↑ The philtrum is apparently just the vertical groove in that area, not the entire area itself, and I am nothing if not precise
- ↑ I was about to say "in public", but to be clear, I had not witnessed anyone do this in front of me in private either.
- ↑ Permalink: r/sanfrancisco • 1ng7jom
