Blog/2024-08-12/Gender Characterization
In general, Western nations are considered more enlightened with respect to gender and related things. Of course, the usual topic of discussion on this front is the gender-equality paradox but a different thing struck me recently.
A common thing on Reddit used to be the rapid characterization of someone's sexuality based on their traits. Gay rights were just becoming mainstream in the late 2000s/early 2010s and lots of people on Reddit would talk about how they always suspected someone was gay. After all, they dress nicely and like flowers or some other such nonsense. The NYT published a few thousand word opinion column on why Taylor Swift is gay and it's still popular on Reddit.
It's nice that people can find a way to relate to someone. That part is cool. But in the US, cultural contagion and homogeneity are rife. Strangely to me, this seems even stronger than in India. Perhaps because we had a larger variety of languages and material, we didn't have a unified religion of things.
The relative cultural homogeneity of the US allows this kind of memetic virus to spread and to appear like a universal human phenomenon.
I think my parents handled this whole thing well. Things that, in aggregate, would probably have me labeled trans today by Redditors are:
- I loved flowers as a child and I still do: the appearance and the fragrance
- When I was young, I went to an all-boys school and played the role of a princess many times and I enjoyed that
- I used to sew as a hobby
- When I was little I loved planting plants and seeing them grow
- I like dressing up
- I'm affectionate with my friends, both male and female, and liberal with my hugs
But I'm not gay or trans, and it is neither painful nor significant to me that I'm not. If I were, it wouldn't be bad/good and the fact that I'm not isn't bad/good. It's merely descriptive.
This is all important to be because based on what we know about the embryos we've got, if I'm lucky enough to be a father, it will likely be to girls. And just like I liked all those things as a boy and was nonetheless still just a boy, I want my daughters, if I'm fortunate enough to have them to know that the world is full of things to love and enjoy without needing to be gendered.
Sexuality is an important aspect of one's interaction with the world but it needn't be as dominant a concept as it is here in the US. It almost appears to the exclusion of any other portion of one's identity except for race.
But the world is full of things. If my children want to climb trees, may they climb trees without being considered boys. If they want to play in a toy kitchen, may they do so without being considered girls. None of these things are gendered, and among the smart people I know, none of these things are considered gendered.
But society is populated primarily by people not entirely like my friends. Descriptions of US schools are entirely unlike my experience in India. I was a strange fellow, and considered weird, but always included by people. My weirdness wasn't a bucketed characteristic.
If my children are trans or gay, then that'll be fine. And if they're cis and straight, that'll be fine too. But it bothers me that the conformism army online requires that people have non-gender traits that correspond entirely to their sexuality or gender.
Humans vary a lot more than that.
