Parenting Techniques

One thing I've found hard to find on the Internet is a general list of techniques that work. Usually, people provide a lot of theory, or they provide many platitudes that I cannot turn into applicable information. I will add to this as I get more. This is a stub to get started with.

Eating

Astra was not very picky so this part was mostly easy. But there are a few things we did.

Grabbability

Foods like asparagus and noodles were easy to introduce since she liked grabbing them and shoving them in her mouth.

Rubber Rollup Mat

You can put this on a table at a restaurant and having her own stuff to eat off of stopped her from grabbing other things entirely. She'd point at the mat instead.

Interaction

Playing

Ben Podgursky @bpodgursky

When your kids ask to play with you, remember that the actual ask is "I want to spend time with you". They ask to play because play is all they know. If you'd rather do a project (gardening, making an IKEA shelf), just propose doing it with them. They'll be just as excited.

Dec 26, 2025

Astra likes to play with us. To her, though, playing is doing what we're doing. So she wants to bang on the keyboard when she's seen us banging on they keyboard. She wants to vacuum because we vacuum. She wants to (un)load the dishwasher because we load it. She wants to throw out the garbage because we do it. It turns out running out and saying "Trash Chute" is as much fun for her as bouncing a ball.

Of course she'll often bring a book along and say "Book!" and those times I just read her the book, but just as often she just wants to participate in the activity. There are things she can't do, of course: cook, caulk the sink, assemble a server, or sharpen a knife. But she will gladly help with mopping or cleaning.

Space

The play pen during construction.

In The Intentional Teacher there are a few bits about the classroom environment. One thing was that the physical play area starting small and expanding into larger areas as the child masters the space allows for more complex play on the part of the child. We used a 84"x56" wooden play pen with plastic frame attachments, and foam tiles so she could climb around and fall without hurting herself. Over time we expanded it by 3D printing wall slots and substitute frame attachments so we could expand the play pen sections to be entire rooms.

The foam tiles allow her to climb a little and fall down without too much damage.

The 3D printed wall slot and frame attachment compatible with our play pen.

Size

A friend's father is a child psychologist and he mentioned the technique of bending down to be at the child's height so they can make eye-contact and interact at their own size. While I did not actually do this, other adults in the household did. Astra's grandparents would both interact with her by sitting on the floor, and Julie would eat with her on the floor as well. Astra interacted with me just fine in either case, though I now also sit down to get to her height.

Screens

Astra saw interactive screens in three places principally by the age of 18 months:

• When she saw her parents working
• When she talked to her grandparents on video calls
• When she watched the World Cup

Of these, passive screen access seemed not to do anything. She rapidly lost interest in the television and her primary interest in her parents working was to mimic it, so giving her a keyboard and mouse assuaged her curiosity there. The only matter of concern was that she finds a touch screen video call device highly engaging. Despite being a generally calm child who does not get upset at losing things, being asked to return the phone while on a video call would cause her to cry.

Reducing Interactivity of Mobile Phone

Originally, she was focused on being able to talk to her grandparents, but as time passed, I observed that her desire to hold the phone was primarily becoming the interactivity of the device. She liked touching the screen and watching it blur and having components move and slide as she moved her finger over them. In order to allow her to talk to her grandparents without the interactive screen distracting her, I put it in Guided Access mode. On an iPhone:

• Settings > Accessibility > Guided Access
• Start the call
• Triple-click the power button
• Click Session Settings and toggle off Touch
• Hit Start

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Continue Dismiss

At this point I could hand her the phone. She'd still try to touch the phone etc. but it would not respond. She reduced interacting with the device at this point. A bonus is that the classic bright-red of the "Hang Up" button no longer attracts her to interact with it, a problem others have encountered:

Rishabh Jain @rishabhmjain

The dumbest UX choice is a red hangup on phones

Kids will click it just cause

Adults would know without the color

…

Sep 10, 2026

Travel

Being legible to travel authorities helps with a lot of things. Besides the standard things, we found that using well-known equipment meant that airline staff recognize things and you take the happy path with a minimal amount of complaints.

Play Opportunities

A short stop in Cloverdale on the way back from Eureka to San Francisco

When Astra was about 9 months old we went on a long-ish road-trip and the times we stopped at playgrounds, it helped her mood on long drives. Usually she would fall asleep in the car seat, but because we have to let her out every few hours at that age to stretch we'd pick gas stations but playgrounds are more useful. They're not usually occupied at the time when you're driving on a long road trip so you'll have the playground to yourself.

Pressure Changes

Feeding during takeoff/landing induces swallowing and seems to helps with ear discomfort as pressure changes.

Stroller

We never use our Stokke Yoyo 3 except when we're traveling a lot. It folds down into a compact carry-on and airline agents recognized it at SFO, HKG, and TPE. Many of them also use the same one and so they instantly accept it.